thank you and goodbye

i can't remember what it feels like to struggle with my mental health anymore. i've adjusted and transformed and modified myself so much that while i can remember ever more clearly the facts of struggle, i can't reach back and touch the emotional parts of the struggle.

as a result, i feel i can no longer contribute to this blog for the purpose for which i started it. i'm afraid my blog is a casualty of not only successful therapy, but trancendence into whoever i would have become, regardless of the obstacles created by mental illness, youth and hard-headed anxiety in general.

thank you and goodbye.

i am turning back into myself

i seem to be someone i recognize. i have not recognized myself for a long time. i strongly suspect that this is something that happens to everyone who survives her youth and doesn't hate herself because she's getting old.

but i think there is something else at play here, and i posit a theory:

after many years of successful medication therapy, psychotherapy and behavioral modification, can you see and feel who you saw in the mirror before you had any symptoms?

if this is so, it must be due to rewiring. i'm in the process of researching my theory, and will let you know what i find out.

"Also My Healing"

Also My Healing is Chelise Stroud Hery's beautifully presented, passionate and elegant blog.

In Chelise's words:

"Also My Healing" is a blog I started because of the constant pressure of trying to behave as if Mental Illness did not impact my life. In contemplating this, I found the premise that mental illness is a character flaw to be extremely demeaning and painful. In mental health groups, I have found that this same sentiment and frustration is shared by many.

I started the blog for those of you who understand, because you or a loved one have experienced mental illness first hand, and I started this blog for those of you who do not know and do not understand the intricacies of living with this type of chronic disease.

Some of you will relate immediately.

Some of you will think I am brave for simply telling the truth.

Some of you will think that I even more nuts for even considering doing something like this.

To all of you, I say this: If by realizing that I suffer from mental illness - you have labeled me in any way - take a moment and consider that I am no less and no more than who I was before I made this information public.

I am more than my mental illness.

I am Also My Healing.

In the upcoming months, sylviatoyindustries will interview Chelise. I also hope to guest post to her blog - I hope that I am worthy. The June theme of All My Healing is "stigma." I certainly will be submitting a guest post on that topic! If you or a loved one is affected by mental illness, please consider submitting to All My Healing. Future topics are: July - Depression and the Creative Mind; August - Hospitalization; September - Meds; October - Suicide and Self Harm.

"Naked Guy" Settlement Prompts Policy Change

Much thanks and kudos to Mr. Martinez' brave and supportive mom, Esther Krenn.

Matt Bigler, KCBS Reporter

Santa Clara County, Calif. (KCBS) -- Santa Clara County agreed Monday to change the way it processes mentally ill inmates as part of a $1 million settlement reached with the family of a schizophrenic inmate who commit suicide while in jail.

Andrew Martinez became known as "The Naked Guy" while studying at UC Berkeley in the early 1990's, routinely reporting to class wearing little more than shoes and a backpack.

Martinez, who was a diagnosed schizophrenic, killed himself in 2006 while in custody at Santa Clara County jail as he awaited trial on assault charges stemming from a confrontation with a guard at a halfway house.

Martinez' family then sued the county for wrongful death, settling Monday - the third anniversary of his death - for $1 million.

"It's okay, but the most important issue is trying to get some changes in the jail," said Martinez' mother, Esther Krenn.

She claims her son was mistreated while behind bars and was allowed to somehow get a hold of a plastic bag, which he used to suffocate himself.

"This just cannot happen in our society -- to treat someone like that or have lack of treatment," said Krenn.

The county has now agreed to review its treatment of mentally ill inmates.

"We estimate at some point that 80% of the people who are in jail have some kind of mental health issue," said Santa Clara County Supervisor Liz Kniss.

Jail officials will now notify family members with the inmate's consent whenever they are taken to the acute psychiatric unit.

Bazelon Center for Mental Health Law

Just had a conversation with a very bright mom who is going to be a dynamite advocate for her kids, and by example to other parents, for all kids. Found a link for to a great library of articles and fact sheets: Children's Issues.

"When Medicine Got it Wrong"

Watch Your NAMIWalk SF Bay Area Funds at work... "When Medicine Got It Wrong" This Sunday, May 10 6:00pm - KQED / PBS

Narrated by Rita Moreno, When Medicine Got it Wrong is the groundbreaking story of a small group of loving California families in the 1970s who challenged the commonly-held belief that schizophrenogenic parents caused schizophrenia. Angry at being blamed for an illness they knew was not their fault, mothers and fathers in San Mateo , California started Parents of Adult Schizophrenics (PAS) and began fighting for better understanding and treatment. When Medicine Got it Wrong addresses misconceptions about severe mental illness head-on and provides historical context for our contemporary mental health care crisis. Through the perspective of families, audiences share in the continued struggle for better understanding and care for some of California 's most vulnerable citizens. NAMIWalk funds from the San Mateo NAMI affiliate were the beginning grant that made this film possible. What you can do to help shine the light on Mental Illness and work to eliminate stigma: Forward this email to your network of mental health colleagues and friends Call or email KQED about how much they liked the show (a simple, one line message) TV Comments Line (415) 553-2100 email: tv@kqed.org · Sign up to walk May 30th at NAMIWalk www.namiwalkSFbay.org · Make a donation to a walker or team at www.namiwalkSFbay.org and watch your NAMIWalk funds at work this Sunday! When we work together, WE CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE!

acceptance

never heard the scottish brogue in person - that is never heard a real Scot speaking in brogue who wasn't an actor who'd been listening to a lot of accent tapes. it's a lot different when you're eye to eye with a real live person who sounds like her tongue is struggling with a huge wad of toffee. i was fascinated.

the woman was a client at the mental health health clinic where i've been working. the whole facility is under lockdown, including the restroom. less ten minutes before i heard her speak, she'd slammed the restroom door in my face so i couldn't come in. i thought she was just, well, easily agitated like a lot of the elderly clients at the clinic are.

so, just shy of ten minutes later, she spent ten minutes leaving the clinic while spouting some of the most aggressively paranoid speech i've ever heard. and my friends, all i could hear was brogue.

is that acceptance?